I was searching for
Christian songs this afternoon while I was loading some stuff in our room.
Since it is Holy Week, I wanted to pause and reflect on my relationship with God.
Hence, listening to praise & worship songs will help make me ponder on my
faith in Him. The title of the song that I clicked first is “God will Make a
Way” and as I was listening to the rhythm and internalizing its message, I got
very emotional. When it ended, I clicked it again and listened and sang at the
same time with fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. It was mainly because the song is really apt
to what I am experiencing right now. I had miscarriage weeks ago and the pain
of losing my Little One still lingers and pierces heart. I even got to the point of questioning my
Creator. I took care of myself and took my vitamins religiously and was never
late for prenatal but why did I lose my baby. 
I
cried my heart out the day I found that the embryo did not develop. I cried
like I never cried before. I got broken-hearted years ago and my heart was
deeply wounded but the pain that I experienced back then cannot be at par nor can even surmount to the feelings I
have of losing my Little One. I locked
myself in our room and shunned away from my husband. He tried to comfort me by
holding my hand inside our car but I let it go. Little did I know that he
himself was also hurting and that his heart also bleeds with mine.
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I called my bestfriend in the whole wide world,
my dearest father and told him I was hurting inside and I began to question God
for what happened. My Pa Zee shared to me words of wisdom. He told me that God
isn’t finished with me yet and that God let things happen for a very important reason. He told me to pray and pray and to ask for guidance.
I
also sent a message to my brother that my heart was broken and to this he
replied, “Talk to God, he knows what’s inside your wounded heart...” And that
is what I do every day, or whenever I am alone or before my husband and I will
go to sleep. My husband and I always take turns in leading our night time
prayer.
To this day, I still miss my Little One but I
accepted the truth with all my heart. The
pain is still there but fresh and happy memories with my Little One will
forever be in my heart. I thanked Little One for showing me what unconditional
love is and for giving me glimpses of what it feels like to be a mother even
for just a very short time. I thank my
husband for just simply hugging me tight and telling me that everything will be
alright. It made our marriage stronger than ever. It drew us into tighter nucleus
and it made our Faith in God stronger.
Right
now, my husband and I are moving forward with a happy heart. We know that God
will give us another angel in His perfect time. Cliché as it may seem to be,
but I still firmly believe that everything in this world happens for a very good
reason. God knows best! J
In
this Lenten season, I would like to center on acceptance with open heart. In
everything that we do, God will always guides us and will always make a way. … where
there seems to be no way. Have a Blessed Holy Week to us all.
The song that struck a chord in my heart:
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today
