I was upset the past few days. Too upset to post something in this blog. But now, I’m a bit ok. Here I am trying to move on and heal my wounded heart and suddenly he suddenly pop out of nowhere. I mean, when they(my ex and his girl) invited me in Friendster before I accepted it with sincerity and with no ulterior motives and all because I reckon that being friends with them is one step in finding that kind of peace which I have been searching for the longest time.
I'm not some kind of machine people kid around. I'm not the person they can invite in Friendster when everything goes smoothly and deleted the moment they want to. The 3rd time they invited me I was so pissed off, knowing fully that the cycle of inviting and deleting will happen again.
But I did not blow my top; I still have that little piece of sanity inside me. Thanks to my grad class course “Personal Mastery & Human Inquiry”, I was able to compose myself well and I did not fly into rage. Oh my G, Little me has grown up already; stronger, braver and wiser than before. :) yey!!!
So, with my pride set aside, I sent them a note saying that I would highly appreciate it if there’s no connection at all and that I will be more willing to invite them when the time is right. I then wished them the best in life. (with sincerity, of course)
The girl replied. She said she was sorry and all and that she’s just curious and afraid. Afraid of going through what I’ve gone through and that when she knew the guy and I dated before she has this feeling that he belongs to me and not to her.
I felt sorry for her. I wish I could assure her that I’m not that angry gray cloud in their lives and I am not the type who would go halfway round the world to destroy what they have. In fact, I just keep my silence. I packed my shattered heart and life into boxes and went to Bangkok to heal my heart.
She has the best of the worlds, she has the man I love the most. What more could she ask for?
All I ever have is a wounded crippled heart, yet I am helping myself to be happy. I smile though my heart is breaking, I face the day full of promises because I know God is not finished with me yet.
I am happy.. because I choose to be! :) happeeee Ivy!
